I have a strong desire to be 100% authentic, but I can't

I want to be myself all of the time, but it's not realistic if you want to live a good life.

I don’t know if it’s autism, a deeper sense of self, integrity, or just intelligence, but I have this strong desire to be myself all the time. I have never in my life wanted to hide parts of who I am, but I do. I’m sure many of you reading this think the same way, and that’s why you’re here.

Some people might say, “just be yourself”, “fuck it”, “who cares?”. But anyone who’s actually tried will tell you that life isn’t that simple and there are consequences for actions.

Even if you have good intentions, being yourself can lead to problems. If being yourself led to an easy life, then more people would be honest. People are dishonest and wear a mask because it gives them optimal results for what they’re looking for.

I am willing to accept these consequences, but it might lead to missed opportunities in life, and the older I get, the more I see that. The fakest people are the ones who go furthest, and they’re willing to sacrifice any connection with humanity to achieve that. Good for them.

I don’t care about sticking out

I don’t care about being seen as weird; I’ve been seen as weird my entire life. I grew up black in a racist white town, so being the odd one out was always going to be the case.

I live in a country where I don’t relate to people and one where I’m often criticised and questioned for thinking differently, so yeah, I’m looked at as being weird. These days, I try to roll with it instead of trying to prove my point to people.

It gets to a point where you realise that the pain of a bad life is worse than the pain of not fitting in.

I think one of the reasons I’m seen as weird is due to my being independent. I don’t follow the crowd for the sake of it. It makes you look weird, but the crowd often doesn’t know what it’s doing. It’s a bunch of people following the rest of the crowd, which is also following the crowd, which means it’s the blind leading the blind. People are just hoping they're going in the right direction.

Taking a step back to think before you act will make you look weird, but if things start to go your way, people will start to follow you. At least they’re following someone who knows what they’re doing now—or someone who’s at least trying to figure it out.

Some people still won’t follow due to caring about their image too much. They’ll see you at the finish line, but they don’t care if it means they have to look “cringe” or stand out.

Protecting others

Part of the reason we aren’t fully authentic all the time is to protect people around us. We don’t tell people about their flaws even when they ask us to be honest, to protect them from the harsh realities of life. Think about all the shit you let slide, what would happen if you called it all out when it happened? Your relationships would look very different.

People don’t want you to be honest with them unless it suits their worldview. Part of the reason they decided to hang out with you is because they thought you’d have a similar world view to them, and things would never change.

If you reveal the fact that you think differently, chances are they’ll get their feelings hurt and feel invalidated. Most people don’t like to be challenged, and they definitely don't like to be around people who think differently to them. Some people will find you jarring to be around if you're always questioning what they say.

I've had friendships that got like this. I developed as a person, and they hadn't, and all of a sudden, I was questioning the things they said and did. Not in a bad way, but I wasn't as compliant as I used to be.

We're not friends anymore.

Protecting myself

When you’re not being authentic, you’re also protecting yourself. You’re making sure people don’t judge you and think you’re weird. You’re making sure people don’t make fun of you and call you a loser. You’re making sure people don’t think you’re a bigot due to your views about something. You're trying to fit into a group so you feel safe.

Something people forget is that being yourself can stop you from putting food on the table. What would happen if you told your boss that you didn’t like them? Your life may become very difficult unless you’re a privileged white woman. What happens if your work colleagues don't think you're fit to be part of the group? They'll get rid of you.

People want you to be a certain way, or they won't accept you in the group. Some people will aim to be that thing so they’ll be accepted, whilst others may be put off the group altogether.

I have been put off many dreams of mine due to it requiring me to be something I’m not. I am hindering my chances in some areas of life, but I’m helping myself by not becoming an inauthentic shell of a person like many people out there. Look at them walking the streets, preaching about authenticity when they haven't told the truth all day.

A lot of fakeness is dumb

The fakeness is dumb most of the time. You don’t need to be completely fake to be a pleasant person unless your true self is horrible, which is a fact for a lot of people. This is something that I think about a lot, especially when it comes to people who ham it up to extremes. Niceness is your entire personality because deep down, you want to eat babies.

I don’t need to pretend so I can get along with people. I can be reasonable even if I don’t like a person. My ego isn’t that big, and my entitlement isn’t that strong. I feel like people are adding extra steps so they can accomplish something simple.

This type of social fakeness is something the West has adopted due to people here being so unpleasant and babyish. People can make your life difficult if you don't smile at them enough or if you do things in a way they deem wrong.

People wear you out

People wear you out after a while, even people you care about, and you don’t want to pretend anymore. You’ve drained me and pissed me off for the 100th time, and I am going to be real with you from now on.

Maybe I just resent them.

When you’ve dealt with the 1000th person who’s full of shit, you get tired of it. People see older people as bitter and jaded, and maybe that’s true, but you could also see it as people who cut through the bs and get right to the point. They've met enough people to "get it", and they don't have time for the BS anymore.

This is definitely true for me. I'm only 30 and I feel like I'm over humans and their bullshit. I want to cut through the fluff and speak to a human, not the image you're trying to con me with.